a mantra: don’t feel

people get angry at themselves for feeling. doesn't that sound absurd? i should have known better. i did know better, but i played along anyway. i let you entrap me against my infallible judgement because it felt good at the time. in the moment, when there was an opportunity to see you, to be around... Continue Reading →


lights, camera, action, etc.

some days, everything is exactly right. every movement i make has a purpose. i don't stumble. i don't misstep. i don't make strange facial expressions or accidental eye contact with strangers. everything i say is articulate. my memory is sharp and the right words just come to me. i don't stutter or mumble. i don't... Continue Reading →

just that

there are times i want nothing more than to be tossed away, poured down the drain like the unwanted coffee left stale at bottom of the pot-- sometimes i want to be just that. there are times i want to be forgotten, unthought of, the task you were going to start but never got around to,... Continue Reading →

I’ve been Bargaining with God

I’ve been bargaining with God but I’m not grieving. Nothing bad has happened to me. I have nothing to complain about. Do you ever do that? Do you ever ask God just to let everything stay exactly the way it is right now? Not because anything particularly great is happening in your life, but because... Continue Reading →

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